Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
