I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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