omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
