what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
