When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
