Screwed.edu
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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