Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Randomize
