My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
