I wish I could punch you in the face.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
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