I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
