and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
