Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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