onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you never un-have a 4some
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
