Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The uberlube is also flammable
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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