So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
