If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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