normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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