I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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