I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize