Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.