This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"