Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?