Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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