I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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