we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
