you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
