Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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