I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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