so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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