At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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