with your own penis?
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
