do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize