She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
