Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
