Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
