I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
In America we eat man semen.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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