I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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