Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
