i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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