We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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