so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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