I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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