You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
