Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
