Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
