my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I will pee on everything he values.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
