walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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