Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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