So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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