I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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