1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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