how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
