He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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