You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
