Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Randomize
