Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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