garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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