Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
