someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
