I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
