I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize