Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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