my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
