Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
