I accidentally burped into my bong.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
