We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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