In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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