Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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