I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
