I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
