My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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