Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
