Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
