i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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