you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i drank out of a bidet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
