I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
