What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
