I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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