cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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