she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
