You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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