my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize