Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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